The Phantom of the Opera Daytime Network
by DarthGrammar
Summary: What happens when the POTO gang ends up in a daytime soap opera network? Parodies of all of today's soap operas, POTO style!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **I give to you, dearest readers, "POTO Daytime," a one-soap-opera-per-episode fanfiction revolving around the lives of Erik, Christine and the rest of the POTO gang! Each chapter will be a spoof of a soap like "Passions," with the most absurd fantasy stories, "The Young and the Restless," a world of corporate giants, or anything in between. Like SOAPnet, there could also be talk shows or reality series involving the POTO characters. Basically, it's a Phantom TV network… Today we have the world of "Nights of Their Lives," a universe in which the dead can arise- sometimes for nine times-, everyone's least favorite clichés are around every corner, and every angsty pair is fluffy and vice versa! For your reading and viewing pleasure, I give you the Phantom of the Opera Daytime Network!

**Disclaimer: **I only own the idea of the TV network… and the talk show hosts.

(The soft, melodic tune of a keyboard is heard as we, the **AUDIENCE**, hear a mysterious voice say, "Like sands through the hourglass, so are the nights of their lives.")

**Nights of Their Lives**

Erik sang quietly, "Christine, I love you…" She walked forward slowly, her heart breaking as she placed the ring in his palm. She cast one glance back at him, both sides of his face equally beautiful in her eyes. As she turned to leave, though, Erik grabbed her arm. She slowly pivoted on the spot, her eyes instantly locking with his. He slowly touched her cheek, bringing it in to him. As the crescendo of the music in "The Point of No Return" sounded in the distance, their lips met in a passionate, tender, clichéd way.

Raoul's face fell as he saw the lovely Christine trapped in a passionate embrace with the monster- the Phantom. Raoul grabbed his dagger, walked forward, and thrust it into Erik's back. He staggered forward, his body going limp. Christine shouted, "Raoul, tell me, what have you done?"

He smiled devilishly. "I did it all for you, Christine…" He left, laughing maniacally as Christine held the dying Erik in her arms. She felt the blood rushing over her hands, tears running from her eyes. She gasped out, "Erik… I love you."

He smiled. "Then my life is complete." He closed his eyes slowly as Christine started to sob uncontrollably and she planted kisses all over his face. She said, "We'll never be apart…" And she gasped in shock as the wound started to shrivel and fade away! Erik jumped into the air, good as new. He held Christine's hands and said, "Now, my dear, we shall take our everlasting, undying love to a new level." Her eyes widened. "Do you mean…"

"Yes." He stepped forward. "I have to meet your father!"

"But, Erik, my beautiful love, my father is dead!"

That statement was quickly negated as Gustave Daae walked through the door of the lair. "Christine! My darling! It is you! I can tell because you look just like my mother's aunt's third cousin's half brother…Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I am not dead! I simply faked my death because the evil DiDodo's were after me!" The three embraced in a cute hug as Erik yelled, "Now I have a family!"

Little did they know that Raoul stood in a dark shadow of the lair, whispering, "I have to get Christine back…And I know just the way to…"And his supposedly beautiful features began to twist in a maniacal grin.

**On the next Nights of Their Lives:**

Christine becomes pregnant- but who's the daddy?

Madame Giry gets an abortion- and all the evangelical Christians around her begin to chide her about defying God.

Meg reveals a terrible secret.

**A/N: **To let everyone know before you flame me, I mean no disrespect for Christians about the abortion comment. I'm just mimicking the terrible way in which "Days of our Lives" handled its abortion storyline. Also, in the next chapter, we have the debut of "All My Operas," a spoof of "All My Children," and a talk show! If you have an idea for the name, please email it to me at and title the subject "talk show idea." Thanks! Please review, concrit is accepted but no flames please!


	2. Episode 1 All My Operas

**A/N:** Okay, you wanted an update, and you got it! First of all, a big thank you to my reviewers, Jeni Star, MetalMyersJason, Alexis Kent, and Nota Lone. Remember people, reviews are like oxygen! Anyway, as I promised, the debut of "All My Operas" is here, the world in which relationships are constantly changing and social issues are tackled more than once. Also, we have the talk show, "Phan Talk." I had no better ideas, so I decided to make it a blatant spoof of SOAPnet's "Soap Talk." Oops! Better not keep you waiting any longer…

**Disclaimer: **What do you think I'd be doing if I owned it? Let your mind wander…

"**All My Operas"**

Meg grabbed her mother's free hand. "Come on, Maman, the others are having a party in the staff room of the Opera House…Let's go!" Madame Giry stopped her daughter gently, reminding her of the terrible events that had happened before. "Meg, you must remember. The Opera House burned down a week ago."

"Who cares?" Meg said. "In this universe, we throw continuity to the wind!"

The ballet mistress nodded. "You do have a point. Let's go, then. Maybe Erik will be there, and his deformity will have reduced again…Maybe now, it's just a zit!"

The mother and daughter ran into the Opera House, fully restored to its former glory. Firmin and Andre were having a ball, dancing in a way that is not…_chaste _enough to commit to paper… or the television screen. Erik sat in a corner, maskless, as Raoul and Christine danced, and to the delight of the ballet rats, Madame Giry had been right! His deformity had become a simple pimple, and every girl in the room but Christine was moaning about his flawless face. He pushed his way through the ballerinas, and came up to Raoul and Christine. He said in a low, growling voice, "This is not over," as he began to ascend the stairs. He finally reached a level that was taller than the chandelier, which was now hanging dangerously close to the floor. Erik jumped straight into the chandelier, as Christine let out a scream that would have chilled the very marrow in your bones… Meg left the room and suddenly found Erik, hiding in a dark corner of the room. He whispered, "You mustn't tell Christine…I did this for her, to protect her, as so many men do."

She sighed. "Fine…" and left. Meg came to Christine, who had left Raoul and by now was sobbing. Her head slowly came up as she said, "There is only one option, Meg. Erik is dead, and Raoul has joined the mob off-screen to work for a man named the Dragon, who relentlessly pursues people who have left the Witness Protection Program. Forget that it has not been founded yet… Anyway, there is one choice for me, and I have made it."

"What is it?"

"I am going to spontaneously become a lesbian and start shacking up with you."

Meg shrugged. "Okay," she said, as she enveloped Christine in a passionate kiss.

Erik watched the two women, with a sad look in his eyes. "It is better this way," he whispered. He was about to disappear, when- who should show up, but Raoul! He was now dressed in a stylish tuxedo and fedora. Erik's face started to turn red, as he barely spit out the words, "My- fedora." He whipped it off of Raoul's head, put it on more quickly than Hugh Panaro putting on his mask during Stranger Then You Dreamt It, and turned to Raoul. "What do you want?" he sighed.

Raoul said, "I'm in the mob now… Didn't you listen to that dialogue between Meg and Christine? Anyway, I'm here to off you." He lifted the pistol he carried, and not a second later, a gunshot rang out through the Opera.

**On the next All My Operas: **

**Christine regrets telling Meg her decision. **

**Raoul is rushed to the ER. **

**Erik fakes his own death- again. **

**A/N: **Hope you liked this one as much as N.O.T.L.! Again, please don't be offended by the lesbian comment- simply imitating All My Children's way of handling lesbianism… Anyway, now the talk show, "Phan Talk."

_(We now see the two cohosts of "Fan Talk," Phrank and Phaith Phitzgerald.) _

**PHRANK: **Hi everyone, and welcome to the first, or should I say, "phirst," episode of Phan Talk! I'm Phrank, and that's Phrank, not Frank, and this is my cohost, Phaith. Not Faith. Phaith.

**PHAITH: **Hi. Okay, let's get cracking. Who will we be talking to today?

**PHRANK: **First, we'll do a little talking about the new cover of Susan Kay's _Phantom! _And then we'll have the one and only Raoul, Vicomte de Chagny!

**RAOUL PHANGIRLS: **Yayyyyyyyyyyy!

**RAOUL HATERS: **Aaaaaa! Kill the foppppppppppppp!

**PHAITH: **Think about it, girls: If Raoul's here, what could Erik and Christine be doing?

**RAOUL HATERS: **Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

**PHAITH:** Nothing like a little positive encouragement.

**PHRANK: **First of all, let's look at the brand-new cover of _Phantom_, made by the one and only Romil Ilagan. The cover is black and white, and it features Erik- of course- whose face is covered by a scarf. He is surrounded by mist and candles.

**PHAITH: **I really like it. It's not too extravagant, and it seems to capture Erik's essence.

**VARIOUS PHANGIRLS: **:various screams of "We love you, Erik!" "Phantom is my soul mate!" "Take me instead of Christine!" etc. :

**PHRANK:** Well, I think that sums up our feelings… We'll be right back to "Phan Talk" after this commercial break.

**A/N: **Hope you liked this chappie, remember: Reviews are oxygen! Concrit, please, but no flames!


	3. Episode 1 Guiding Night

**A/N: **A big thanks to all of my reviewers; sorry that this chapter was so late in coming. I've had to study for a huge test (Die, chemistry, die!) and I really didn't have time to get this chapter going. This is the first episode of a soap based on "Guiding Light," and I'm going to be doing something new with it. Instead of writing a 'soapette' that's set in the same style as its predecessor, four characters- Erik, Christine, Raoul, and Meg- are going to based on four "Guiding Light" characters- Jonathan, Tammy, Sandy, and Ava, respectively. Technically, on GL, this story hasn't happened to Raoul/Sandy and Meg/Ava, but it's what I want to happen on the soap, so I'll make it happen here!

**Disclaimer: **Put two and two together.

"**Guiding Night"**

Erik stopped at the entrance of the hospital where Raoul was being kept after being electrocuted into a coma. (**A/N:** Just for the moment, forget that electricity hasn't been invented yet…) He looked up into the window where Christine sat with him, her face wracked with guilt. He spontaneously remembered a piece of the speech she had delivered to him earlier…

_"I'm going to be with Raoul now. He needs me!" she said. _

_Erik snapped back to her, "See, you said it yourself. He needs you. But what do you need, Christine?" He softened toward her, and whispered, "You need me… You need what's right here." He leaned in to kiss her, but she jerked away suddenly. "No, you can't… We can't, Erik. I promised myself! I promised I wouldn't even look at you!"_

Her last words echoed behind him as Meg Giry walked up to him. "Hi, mister Opera Ghost person!"

He growled, "Leave me alone to wallow in misery and self-pity." He brought a picture of Raoul and Christine to the light, looking at them. _They look good together…_

Meg's exclamation snapped him out of his reverie. "Raoul!" she squealed.

For once, he was stunned. He thought that Raoul and Meg had never seen each other, let alone have known each other. (**A/N: **Work with me, people…) "Huh?" he said, uncharacteristically.

"My secret husband! I thought that I lost him forever!" she kept screaming. Erik was beginning to have a throbbing headache… But, wait! That was it! He smiled, as he began to form a plan in his mind…

**On the next Guiding Night: **

Erik exposes Raoul's secret.

Christine has a choice to make.

Madame Giry publishes a novel that just may wreck the lives of two or three or ten people.

**A/N: **There you go, hope you liked it! Next, as per phantomfan1911's request, I will be spoofing "Passions." I've got a ton of ideas already, and as always, reviews are accepted!


	4. Episode 1 Emotions

**A/N:** Wow, after eons, an update! I looked at this poor little story and realized I needed to get my butt in gear and start working on it again. Now up, we have "Emotions," a spoof of "Passions," which takes place in Peacefulness, a spoof of Harmony. This will feature Raoul as the evil Alistair Crane, Erik and Christine as "star-crossed lovers" Luis and Sheridan, Mme. Giry as the witch Tabitha and Meg as her daughter Endora. Also featuring the hunkified Richard/Moncharmin, Firmin/Andre- managers- whoever the hell they are- as Miguel and Fox, with Carlotta as Kay and the OC, Signal, as Siren, the mermaid…. This is why I don't like "Passions." It's a _mermaid. _

Anyway, no offense meant to any race, religious group, sex, etc., that may read this and think "OMG shes totally dissing us s." I'm _not;_ simply spoofing the manner in which each soap opera handles each social issue/race/religion, etc.

**Disclaimer: **Neither "Phantom" nor "Passions" are mine.

_Emotions_

Raoul laughed, his voice full of evil glee. "Ha! And again, Ha! Now that I have the special chalice, I will have the power of GOD! Forget that I may be offending the viewers and potentially getting this show put off the air! Forget the Jews! Forget the Muslims! Forget the atheists! I WILL BE GOD ONCE I USE THIS CHALICE TO REVEAL THE SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE TO ME, AND ME ALONE!"

Christine whispered to Erik, "When did Raoul borrow Harry Potter's 'Capslock of DOOM?'"

He replied, "I don't know, but we _must_ stop him. We must give the chalice back to the blind monks and the nuns." He began to shout, "Raoul, you… evil… person! You can't do this!"

Raoul grinned maniacally. "Oh, yes, I most certainly can."

Erik and Christine worriedly looked at each other as Raoul kept smiling… and smiling… and waiting for the camera to cut to another story line… and waiting for the overdramatic music to stop.

In the meantime, Erik sighed. "Oh, Christine, we used to be the center of this show-"

"Hence the title, _'The Phantom of the Opera,'_" she interrupted.

"-But now, we've lost almost all of our airtime to newbies who can't act!"

"I know, honey. I know."

---

In the meantime, Richard/Firmin and Moncharmin/Andre- who'd had a little work done to achieve _beautifully_ sculpted pecs and abs- stood in Carlotta's dressing room, only dressed in boxer shorts. Carlotta and the new addition to the opera house chorus (who couldn't act, sing, or dance to save her life, but was only there because of her stunning beauty,) Signal, were there.

"Wow-a, manager-as, you must have-a had a big-a decrease in-a laundry," Carlotta said.

"Why do you think that?" Moncharmin/Andre asked.

"Cause-a you-a never-a wear-a-you shirts no more!" she exclaimed.

"Oh, yes," Richard/Firmin said. "The writers made it a standard wardrobe procedure, to attract more viewers in the 12-19 demographic."

Carlotta nodded.

"Oh-a, I don't-a know who I love-a more-a!" she then pronounced.

Signal smiled. "Let me make it easier for you, then," she said. "I'll take these two hunks for myself, and you can go back to Piangi."

"Oh-a, sure," Carlotta replied icily. "Take-a the two hunk-as for youself."

Signal changed her expression to what looked like a futile attempt to look enticing and charmingly sensual. "Oh, boys…"

Richard/Firmin and Moncharmin/Andre started running.

--

Madame Giry tried looking into her magic bowl, which allowed her to look upon all of the residents of Peacefulness; however, today, the water was cloudy. She sighed. "Damn tap water."

Meg whined, "Jeez, mom, why can't _I_ ever look into the magic bowl? I could look at Richard/Firmin and Moncharmin/Andre all day!"

Madame Giry rolled her eyes. _Teenagers._


End file.
